I am the mother of 3 girls...that's right THREE GIRLS!!! I am raising 3 younger versions of myself. I don't see how my mother survived raising one of me, much less how I will survive 3. But that being said...I have a few things to say about my mom. I know all of us think our mom is the best (if you don't think your mom is then you should be ashamed, she gave you life...even if she walked away...maybe it was best for you) but seriously my mom has been through hell and comes back out every time with barely any scars. So here's the story of my mom.
My mother is the third of four daughters. My mother suffered her first big tragedy in life at an early age. Her baby sister Patty Denise (my middle child Ashlee Denise is named after her) died a the age of 3 due to heart problems she had from birth. My mother and her sisters loved that sweet baby and did everything for her and it hurt their hearts to lose her. I can't begin to imagine how my grandparents felt. No parent should have to bury a child. But I know for a fact that may grandparents faith prevailed and they knew God had a plan. Then tragedy stuck again. When my mother was 16, her mother was killed in a bomb explosion at the Louisiana Ammunition plant. How do you survive losing your mother, your first best friend, at the age of 16? I'm 41 and I can't imagine being without mine. But here she was the only child left at home and going through high school without her mom. She became the strong person who made sure things were done. She and my grandfather became very close during this time. They leaned on each other for support to get through a hard time.
She then married my daddy and had my brother and me (best things that ever happened to her). Her marriage to my daddy wasn't the best. I won't blame it all on him because yes it takes two to make a marriage work. But he was unfaithful many times and wasn't always the nicest person. I don't remember much about those years because I was little. I have a few memories of them together but one of my most vivid memories is the day she had enough and kicked my daddy out. I can't imagine the thoughts of failure that went through her mind. My family is a firm believer that you marry for life. But she had to do what was best for us. So she did what she always does and she stood strong, picked up and moved us to Shreveport. She worked weekdays at a full time job and then worked weekends at the racetrack while we went to our Aunt and Uncle's house. See Daddy didn't pay child support on a regular basis or at all most of the time. So she was a single mom with 2 kids trying to support us by herself. I know for a fact that she went through some dark times during that stage of her life. She was anorexic and depressed but she never let it show to us. She made sure we got the absolute best of her.
In 1981 she met and married a wonderful man. The man who would become my dad. They got married 5 days after I turned 6 years old. He was a good ole country boy who had 9 brothers and sisters and wasn't afraid to work hard. I inherited a brother at that point too. It wasn't easy for them but they made it work. She no longer had to work 2 jobs and she gave up fighting with my daddy for child support. Over the years of my childhood, my daddy was only a part of my life when it was convenient for him. We were an afterthought. We still are today. But my mother never once said a bad word about him in our presence. He was our daddy and she taught us to love him unconditionally regardless of whether he deserved that love. If he decided he wanted to see us, she let him. She never said "you owe me money so you can't see our kids". She wasn't that person. We weren't a paycheck to her. She knew what he was missing and I think she hoped that one day he would realize it too. I never felt like I was missing out because he wasn't there. My dad was great and loved us and took care of us so I was good.
In 1986 my grandfather had a massive stroke. My mother spent a lot of time at his bedside. He was a wonderful man and is still greatly missed. After he died I wonder if she thought that she was truly and orphan at that point? Yes she had a wonderful stepmother who we loved until she died a few years ago. But she had lost both of her parents before you expect to. To top off the great year of 1986, on December 23, 1986, our house burned. We lost pretty much everything. Her daddy had always been her rock and he wasn't here to help when this happened. But family stepped in and helped, strangers gave more than we ever expected. We learned that people will be there for you in a tragedy.
My mother was our rock through all of this. She never let it show to us that she was struggling. She did what had to be done and got us through. She survived mine and my brothers teenage years of trying drugs, high school drop outs and teen pregnancy (I was 18 but still a teen). No matter what we all knew we could always depend on her and over the years we have depended on her way more than we should.
My mother was in the delivery room for each of my 3 girls births. She even cut the cord on the 2nd one. But when I had my first child, my mother thought she really liked being on the care giver side of it and decided that for once she was going to do something for herself. She was going to nursing school. Becoming a nurse would mean she would have to quit her job, cash in her retirement and put all of her eggs in one basket. My dad told her that she should follow her heart and that they would get through it. In August 2000, she graduated with the BSN from Northwestern. She worked hard and made it through. She struggled, this I do know. She had always been the rock, but there were times during this adventure that she was sure she would fail. I know it wasn't the first time she felt this way but it was the first time she let it show. She stressed and she worried, but she studied hard and she accomplished what she set out to do.
She enjoyed taking care of people and she's great at it. She had been a nurse for a couple of years when tragedy struck again. My dad passed out at work. I've never been so scared in my life. I stood in the ambulance bay as they pulled him out of the ambulance and he looked like he had a stroke...the same thing that killed my grandfather. I was scared that we were going to lose him too. It turned out he has a rare autonomic disorder. But during the time he passed out, his brain went without oxygen. We soon realized what we thought was just forgetfulness or due to his illness was actually early onset alzhiemers. In the 14 or so years since then, this horrible disease has slowly eaten away who he is. But through it all, my mother has been strong and been there for him. She does everything for him. Even when he's angry and hateful, she still does what needs to be done, because she loves him. To be the caretaker for a person with this horrible disease is not an easy task. You never know which person you're getting that day and you have to deal with them no matter what. She's tried to be the strong one through all of it but sometimes even Wonder Woman needs help. It's hard for her to ask for help. It's hard for her to admit she can't do it all by herself. He's not an easy person to deal with most days. He's angry that he can't remember things. He gets frustrated easily and is quick to lash out and say hateful things.
My mother continues to care for him daily with no professional help. She continues to do all of this while working full time. She works, she pays the bills, buys the groceries, cooks the meals, cleans the house and does all of this while taking care of him. She's stronger now than she has ever had to be and she doesn't even realize it. It takes a strong person to let your shield down and ask for help. It also takes a strong person to work so hard and love so much. She's willing to sacrifice everything for the people she loves. She's my hero, my best friend, my rock. I couldn't do life without her.
**side note: I call my biological father Daddy and my "step-dad" Dad. I put "step-dad" in quotes because I never call him that. He's my dad in every sense of the word so he's my dad. But hopefully this helps distinguish which one I'm talking about. 😊
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